Dining and Table Etiquette

At a recent event, I sat down to this:

 
YIKES!!  What to do with all of this? I did not know where to begin. It was at this point, I realized that all of the country club dinners I had attended in my younger years did nothing for me! I was LOST! I knew it was time to do something.  I was going to have to learn how to use these many pieces that assemble a table setting. What did I do? Well, I challenged you to give us your etiquette questions, and boy did you!

After receiving all of your questions, I set out to do a little research and learn. So with out further ado, here are your answers... (bear with me...this is a long one, BUT full of great tips and info!)

Silverware, Glasses, Dishes...Oh my!
Q: I am afraid I won't use the correct forks for salad, dinner, and dessert. Ha! It's simple, but I get confused! (Elana from Good Girl Gone Shopping)

Q: What if the food is really fancy and you are given WAY too many pieces of flatware and you don't want to use the salad fork for the main meal or vice verse? (Charles P.)

Q:  I know to use the small fork first but what are the utensils at the top of the place for? And that really big outer spoon? Soup maybe? (Sunday from Adventures in Extreme Parenthood)

Q: I get confused over who's glass or salad dish is who's. (Audra from Penny Pinching Penguin)

Q: : I always get nervous about which silverware to use and when. I was taught at some point but it's really embarrassing that I can't remember! (Leeann from Join the Gossip)
ANSWERS
Usually a good rule of thumb: Always start with the flatware farthest from your plate and work your way in.

In a formal setting, you will usually use one(1) utensil per course, starting with the one furthest from your plate.The soup spoon is the out most left followed by your beverage spoon (YES beverage has it's own, DON'T use your soup spoon to stir your iced tea!) The spoon and fork above your plate are for dessert. If none are there, then they will be brought to you at that time.

If you are having difficultly figuring out which set of flatware or dishes are yous, remember this: Eat to the left, drink to the right.

Tip1: once your utensils are used, they are not to touch the table again, including the handles. If in a formal setting, the utensils will usually be removed after each course and replaced if need be.

Tip 2: If you have completed your meal, you can signal this to the server by resting your knife blade in and fork resting tips down. Please leave your unused flatware on the table, and do not stack them on your plate.

Tip 3: (from Wendy):  Form your thumb and index finger into a circle on each hand, forming a b and a d. That way you know which side is your bread plate and which is your drink! (as opposed to the method I used to use, which is wait until one of the people sitting next to me took a drink or used their bread plate).

Tip 4: (from Patricia): Did you know it's not proper to pick up a utensil if you drop it on the floor in a restaurant? Makes since but I see people doing it. Then what do you do with it once you've picked it up...put on the table with clean ware? Not on my table.

TABLE SETTING FORMAL:

TABLE SETTING FAMILY:

Q: I worry I will have too much on the table. Place setting, serving dishes, glasses, etc. (from JDaniel4's Mom)
ANSWER:
Just follow the guidelines as stated in the images above and you should be fine!

Q: I am at a total loss as to where to start with my silverware and then all those wine/water glasses?(from Sunday)
ANSWER:
Thanks Sunday! Please see above for the Silverware answer. As for all those wine glasses:
Each course could have a different wine selection. You are not obligated to have any wine, or finish the previous glass. If opting to not have any, please decline gracefully! Do not turn your wine glass upside down. Simply hold your hand over the glass or just let them pour as to not draw any attention.

Here is some information straight from the Etiquette Scholar Website:

If you are serving a variety of wines with dinner, glasses are generally arranged according to size so that the smaller ones are not hidden behind the larger ones. The water goblet is placed directly above the knives at the right of the plate. The champagne glass is next to it at a slight distance to the right. The red or white wineglass is positioned in front of and between the water goblet and champagne glass. If you have several wineglasses, always set them according to size, with the largest ones on the left, starting with the water goblet. The sherry glass is placed either to the right or in front of the wineglass.


If you don't want to group the wineglasses, place them in a straight row slanting downward from the water goblet at the upper left to the sherry glass at the lower right.

Eating Styles, Conversations and How To
Q: My sister said that there's a way to cut your food. There's the American way and the European way...I never want to be messy. (from Elana)
ANSWER:
Taken from the What's Cooking America Website:

Use one of two methods when using the fork and knife:


American Style: Knife in right hand, fork in left hand holding food. After a few bite-sized pieces of food are cut, place knife on edge of plate with blades facing in. Eat food by switching fork to right hand (unless you are left handed). A left hand, arm or elbow on the table is bad manners.


Continental/European Style: Knife in right hand, fork in left hand. Eat food with fork still in left hand. The difference is that you don't switch hands-you eat with your fork in your left hand, with the prongs curving downward. Both utensils are kept in your hands with the tines pointed down throughout the entire eating process. If you take a drink, you do not just put your knife down, you put both utensils down into the resting position: cross the fork over the knife.

Tip: Never cut your food into more than one or two pieces at a time. This looks unattractive and cools your meal at a faster rate. There is an exception made for young children.

Q:  Another question I have is when is it proper to start eating? Do you wait until everyone has their food on their plate or do you start eating as it is brought out? (from Sunday)
ANSWER:
In smaller group settings (up to four) you should wait till everyone has received their meal, in a larger setting it is best to wait until all have received their meal OR until the hostess insists or asks you to begin eating. A good signal to watch for is when the hostess or host pick up their utensil, you may do so.

Q: For me it is more about conversation during formal dinners. When to talk, when to be quiet. I am a pretty social person, but it can be intimidating when you are all dressed up. (Emily from Family and Life in Las Vegas)
ANSWER:
First rule, do not talk with food in your mouth! This is tacky and rude. Dinner parties are a social affair, conversation is a given. Try to remember to engage in conversation with those around you. Remember to not
talk about yourself in length, and always listen. Conversation is a give and take act.

Now, if you are in Japan- conversation is subdued during the meal, In Turkey, they are loud and animated! so just remember to follow the lead of your host.

Q: My usual peeve is when you have to spit something out (a fragment of shell or bone, a fruit pit.) What is the best way to deal with this? (Maria from 1000 reasons I am a Bad Mom)
ANSWER:
It is best to remove whatever obstacle is in your mouth by the same means you put it in with, and place it on the rim of your plate. You should go unnoticed because it is normal for your utensil to be in your mouth. Never spit it out or place on the table linens!!

Tip:  You should eat cake with a FORK? It irritates me more than I want to admit when I get a slice of cake and a spoon. (From Maria)

Q:  Seriously, though, the "obvious" things: what to do with your napkin, how to signal you are finished/ not finished with a course, which side the service will come from/ be taken away. People don't know these things, and I have seen WAY too many awkward moments at nice restaurants (usually with the boss watching... yikes!) (Gina form Fantasy Casting)
ANSWER:
When you are seated, simply UNFOLD your napkin.  Do not shake it open as this looks tacky.  If you are in a high end restaurant, the waiter may do this for you. Gently place the napkin in your lap. Please leave the napkin in your lap until the end of your meal, never place your dirty napkin on the table during the meal, and never blow your nose into it.  At the end of your meal, place the napkin onto the left side of your place setting.

Major No-No's
Q: What are the major no-nos.? How can you look like you know what you are doing even when you have no clue? (from Emily)
ANSWER
Never do the following:
- Chew or speak with your mouth full
- Turn a glass upside down to decline a beverage
- Smoke at the table
- Ask to taste another guests food or offer yours
- season your food before tasting it
- Use your finder to help scoop food
- Blow on your food- simply wait till it cools
- "Play" with your food or utensils
- Hold food on your utensil while talking
- Place your elbows on the table
- Slurp, smack or burp at the table
- Stab your food
- Pick at your teeth
- Slouch in your chair

Additional Reading/Education:

http://www.emilypost.com/table-manners/71-table-setting-guides
http://www.emilypost.com/table-manners/372
http://www.etiquettescholar.com/
http://whatscookingamerica.net/Menu/DiningEtiquetteGuide.htm
http://www.findalink.net/diningetiquette.php
http://etiquettewithmissjanice.blogspot.com/
http://missjanice.com/

Thank you everyone for your participation and help!

*hugs*
Denice

Photo Credit:
Table setting images: Replacements LTD
Table Setting Photo: ME

Book Review: The Everything Wedding Etiquette Book by Holly Lefevre

I want to introduce you to one of my new bloggy friends, her name is Holly Lefevre.  I met this fabulous woman through two of her blogs, Hip Weddings, and 504 Main.  I fell in love with her posts, they were always full of such great ideas and information.  After reading her blogs for a while, I learned that she is the author of a great book called The Everything Wedding Etiquette Book.  I am a HUGE fan of etiquette (my other favorite bloggy friends is Etiquette with Miss Janice), so I was immediately intrigued!

Holly was nice enough to send me her book.  I read it cover to cover in one night, it is a very easy read, and FULL of great information.  Etiquette is something that people do not spend enough time on these days, so Holly is making it VERY easy for you to stay in line.  She was even gracious enough to answer a few questions for me.  So, without further ado...

Why did you decide to write an etiquette book?

It actually found me. I was working on another wedding project, when this opportunity came along. The other project was not moving along as quickly as I liked so I jumped at the chance to write something for the Everything series. There is a lot of wedding information out there, but I truly enjoy being able to provide advice that is real and honest - weddings are amazing but not always fun and "hearts and flowers" - there is real emotion and problems involved too. I had also been a speaker at bridal shows for years, covering planning design, and etiquette, so this was a natural progression.

How long did it take you to write the book?

If I recall the whole process was only about 3-4 months. Since this book is part of the Everything Series, there had been previous editions. I was not starting from scratch, but rather updating and rearranging a previous edition, which in some ways is a lot easier than starting from scratch, and other ways not. While I had the basic premise and a lot of viable information already, it was up to me to update the book with new etiquette questions and standards, to make the book my own, and to make it fit withe the series of books.

 

What is your favorite section of the book?

Tough one - they are all my favorites in different ways and for different reasons. I think I like The Business of Being A Bride. So many brides do not realize what it takes to pull a wedding - as they envisions weddings to be - off. I strive to be realistic in my advice and answers. I want them to understand this is a business for the vendors and for them, for two reasons...I do not believe in negotiating anyone to death or manipulating anyone into a price or service they cannot afford...this is both for the vendors and the brides. I want brides to realize help is out there in the form of a wedding planner or by involving your groom or family members. As much as I wish everyone would hire a wedding planner, I know this is not going to happen, so I really want to educate brides.

Which etiquette standard is ignored the most by brides, or grooms?

The one etiquette standard I see brides wanting to wiggle on all the time is not having the guests pay for anything. Too many times, to save money they want to have a cash bar or have the guests pay for their own valet parking. No, no, no! If you cannot afford it do not do it. Plan a wedding within your means.

I once worked with a couple who married at a major luxury hotel. They thought food was of the utmost importance (which it is to a degree). They had 10 different hor d'oeuvres and paid over $10,000 for their cocktail hour and then refused to pick up the valet parking (the only parking available without having to walk a number of blocks) bill of $10.00 per car. The hotel was even advising against this amount of hors d'oeuvres and they refused to listen. As a planner you can only do so much. Couples should also learn to trust the experts they hire and are working with.

Overall I say being gracious goes a long way. I was fortunate to work with mainly wonderful, kind brides, but I have also worked with my share of diva brides. The guests are paying the bride and groom an honor by coming to the wedding, as the bride/groom is honoring them with the invitation. This extends from beginning the ceremony on time and not making the guests wait for an unreasonable amount of time to planning your timeline so that guests are not left waiting for 2 hours for dinner to begin after the ceremony to playing appropriate music at the appropriate times of the reception.

 

Some of my Favorite Holly posts:
~ A Gracious Bride Knows
~ What's A Mother To Do?
~ True or False...The Mom's Must Match?

THANK YOU Holly for writing this book. I hope future brides realize how important it is, and read it! If you are interested in buying Holly's book, check out Amazon.
 
*hugs*
Denice
 
Photo Credit: http://hipweddings.blogspot.com/

Venue Review- Serendipity Wedding Garden, Oak Glen, CA

My Sister-in-law's recent wedding was at the beautiful Serendipity Wedding Garden in Oak Glen, California.  It was a breathtakingly beautiful venue.  There were so many fabulous points to this place, that I just don't know where to begin! Lets start at the Rehearsal...

Rehearsal

The Rehearsal was held the Thursday before the wedding.  We all arrived at the grounds (which is located a little North of Redlands, CA) at 5:00pm.  The weather was perfect, it was warm. We ran through all the normal hub-bub for rehearsals. It took about an hour.  The staff was exceptional and great to work with.  

Wedding

The Wedding was beautiful.  Although the weather could have cooperated a little more (it was FREEZING!!!), the day still turned out as planned.  The venue sits on about 5 acres , up in the hills, and can hold a nice size group.  We had about 100 guests and it was very comfortable.   The brides room was decent and the bathrooms were clean.

The Ceremony area is separate from the reception area.  The pathway between the two is gorgeous and lined with roses.  This is where the Bride, and Father of the Bride make their entrance.  They arrive with a 2 team, horse drawn carriage.  It is quite the extravagant entrance!

The catering was on-site and delicious (although cold, due to the wind).  The chairs and linens were perfect, and the bar was right next to an awesome (and warm) fireplace.  Heaters present, but I think there could have been a few more. Also present was a fire pit, baby grand piano, and kicken dance floor.

All and all, I really enjoyed this place.  It was beautiful, local and elegant.

*hugs*
Denice

Photo Credits:
Various family members and me!
Serendipity Logo: http://www.serendipitygardenweddings.com/

Venue Review- The Holiday Inn, Ontario, CA

I was invited to attend a venue preview the other day at the Holiday Inn, in Ontario California.  The Holiday Inn you say? YES!  The Holiday Inn has had a HUGE make over and are now competing with upscale hotels. I was invited to attend by my friend Denise Parsons, who is a Sales Manager there.  I had worked with her previously at another hotel on a 50th Anniversary Party.

Let me just say, the hotel and grounds are beautiful. Nothing what you would expect a Holiday Inn to look like.  They had set up one of the smaller meeting rooms (holds about 80) in a reception like manner, complete with DJ!  The were tables decked out in beautiful linens (provided by Raquels Linens) and gorgeous flower arrangements that were provided by one of the ladies on staff at the hotel.

We were served the most delicious lunch. I must say, it was to DIE FOR!!!  I had never tasted hotel food this good.  It was a chicken breast stuffed with cheese and mushrooms, covered in a flavorful cream sauce.  It was served with roasted potato's and fresh veggies.  It was SOOOO GOOD!!! We were even  introduced to the Chef, and were able to thank he for the delicious meal. 

Not only is the Holiday Inn set up for events such as weddings, receptions and parties, they can also accommodate Corporate Meetings too.  Here are two of the rooms:

So, if you are looking for a local hotel that is reasonable and will fit into your budget, and looks FABULOUS, I highly recommend checking out the Holiday Inn.  Say "hi" to Denise when you go, shes a kick, you'll love her!

*hugs*
Denice

Photo Credits: Me and my iPhone, and the Holiday Inn web site

Fantastic Finds!

Today's fantastic finds is all about them MEN!!! Yup, we searched the Internet for the happening sites dedicated to MEN and their event needs. So pass along to your favorite guy. Happy reading!


Bachelor party
~ ©FireFly Group Events, Inc.: Providing bachelor party services in the San Francisco, Los Angeles, Orange County, San Diego, and Las Vegas areas for any size group. It's simple and easy to put together a last night out. Your friends pay direct so the Best Man doesn't have to collect money.

Grooms Needs (learning about the bridal necessities)
~ In an industry that is wholly focused on the bride, The Plunge addresses the needs of the other half of the equation. With advice written for men by men.

~ GroomGroove.com the web's best road map for a groom's trip down the aisle.

~ Grooms Online’s offerings include knowledgeable advice and tips, bachelor party information, wedding day checklists, honeymoon planning tools, groom’s apparel suggestions, music selections and more.

~ Guy Code is the unwritten and written code that all guys must follow in order to be a man. We are a group of men dedicated to preserving masculinity in a society trying to be pimped by feminism and we are winning triumphantly. Check out this article on 50 Ways to be the Perfect Man.

Getting Gifts
~ TheManRegistry.com is an online resource for grooms and is the Internet leader in grooms wedding tips and wedding advice for grooms. The website features a specialized wedding gift registry featuring hundreds of wedding gifts tailored toward grooms

The growing trend of GROOMS CAKES!! Yup you heard me...a cake especially for the groom. These cakes are mostly seen at the Bachelor party, the Engagement Party and on occasion, as a gift from the Bride to her Groom on their wedding day. Here are some fun designs:

Coors Cake

We hope you enjoyed these Groom Tips! If you know of any we missed, please share. =)

*hugs*
Denice

Photo Credits:
- Groom Group: My Wedding! Photographer Stephanie Kano
- Coors Cake: GroomsAdvice.com
- XBOX 360: Pink Cake Box
- Groom Beer: Pink Cake Box

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Wedding Question Wednesday- Grooms Gift

Today's question comes from Kacie- "When do you give the grooms gift? At rehearsal with everyone else or on the wedding day? If on the wedding day, how do you get it to him without seeing him?"

Here is what I would do: Give it to your lucky guy at the wedding. When Ryan and I got married we had a special moment, right before the ceremony where in the brides room, alone (well sort of, the photographer was there at first) and we got to chat and exchange gifts before the ceremony. This was nice, we were able to get out all the jitters before hand!

If you want to wait, and do it after the ceremony, do it right after, BEFORE the craziness of the photos, and the reception. Tell everyone you want 15 minutes, after the ceremony... alone! Instruct your maid of honor and best man to guard the room so no one bothers you. It is a nice moment for the two of you. It gives you the chance to savor the day and reflect before you entertain your guest for the remainder of the night.

I hope this helps! Let me know how it goes!



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Wedding Question Wednesday - Remembering Loved One's

Everyone wants to believe that their loved ones are going to be ever present. Unfortunately, there God has a different agenda and calls on our loved ones before we are ready. It is not a pleasant emotion to deal with on you wedding day, but it is a blessing to be able to do so.

Today’s question is a hard one to deal with, “How do I honor my mother, who recently passed away, at my upcoming wedding?”

I have seen this done many times in a few different ways. You want it to be a subtle, but caring way, of honoring the ones you loved. Whether it is a grandparent, parent, sibling or friend, you want them and your guest to know they are loved and missed.

* One way is a bell chime for each lost loved one with a moment of silence.

* Another way is to have an open seat with a rose or other type of flower noting their place in your ceremony.

* I have even see couples display the photos of the loved ones at the reception by a memory board or the head table.

Any way you choose to remember your loved one, it will truly be up to you. To be able to include their memory in your special day is all that really matters.

I hope I was able to help anyone dealing with the sadness of losing a loved one. If you have witnessed another form of memory, please share.

Photo Credit: Denice's wedding


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Wedding Question Wednesday - Rehearsal Dinner

Our question today deals with the Rehearsal Dinner. I was recently asked,

"Who should attend the rehearsal dinner? Just the wedding party, or whom ever we want?"

Well, this is an excellent question!

We here at KDC Events feel this one can fall either way. We agree with the more traditional aspect of the rehearsal dinner in the fact that it is for the "Wedding Party". It is customary that the mother and father of the groom pay for the dinner and it include all those with an involved role in the planning, and may possibly include any family members who have traveled from out of town.

BUT, now days the bridal couple is starting to foot the bill. Sometimes the bride and groom want to include a few more friends and family, and show their gratitude for all the help and support they may have received while planning their big day.

I googled Rehearsal Dinner Etiquette and found these interesting articles:
Hit Weddings- The Wedding Rehearsal Dinner
Ezine Articles- Rehearsal Dinner Etiquette
The Knot- Wedding Rehearsals: The Basics

We hope this helps. Just remember, ultimately, it is YOUR day and you should have an event that reflects your personality as a couple. If tradition is not up your alley, then get creative!

If you have been to a creative, non traditional, rehearsal dinner, share it with us!

Photo Credit: Denice-2001 wedding rehearsal

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